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Nauticool News

If you have a question? - He has the answer!

Dear Huggablebaldy - I have a stern drive boat which is kept in the water on Lake Monroe. How often should I inspect my outdrive for corrosion and what is wrong with your eyes? Signed: James T. Anode

Dear Mr. Anode - Since your aluminum outdrive is accessible to galvanic corrosion, creature eaters and unknown water things, I recommend that you haulout and inspect every 4-6 months. In technical terms, Lake Monroe registers 1050 millivolts with a positive accelerator. Your outdrive contains 83% ASTM B418 iodinestic metal with a deterioration factor producing a negative compounded charge of 3% shielding at 350 milliamperes with a corrosion factor of 3.28 on the COR_1984 Monitor Scale. This accounts for corrosion in a brackish environment. As for my eyes - This is a direct corollary of rheumatoid arthritis of the Rhinencephalon, which is the olfactory region of the brain, located in the cerebrum. This causes nitrogen-fixing bacteria of the genus that forms nodules on my optic nerve causing an unnatural look.

Dear Huggablebaldy - I was fishing on the St. Johns River and caught a 5lb shrimp with a paisley design on the shell. I never seen one of these before but it sure did taste good. I have enclosed a picture of me holding up my great catch. I would like to have this picture returned so I placed my address on the back of the photo. Do you know where I might be able to buy some more? Signed: William Stupere

Dear Mr. Stupere - Thanks for writing in to Ask HuggableBaldy, the world leader in abnormal advice. The 5lb shrimp with a paisley design was actually a whirlgig beetle originated from the gyrinidae family. The whirlgig beetle was the making of cross-cloning between a suborder natantia and a homothallic blow fish. Unfortunately, the whirlgig beetle made the endangered species list in 1993 and I believe the U.S. Wildlife Preserve Society is looking for you as I speak. So best of luck to you.

Dear Huggablebaldy - I enjoy boating on Lake Monroe in the evening but in the summer I get attacked by those nasty mosquitoes. They're always in my hair and becoming quite a nuisance. What can a girl do?  Signed: Susan Upsettie

Dear Ms. Upsettie - The next time you're cruising the lake at night - get MAD! (Monroe After Dark) - the shampoo that makes it easy to wash those mosquitoes from your hair, or just get MADDER!! (Monroe After Dark Deterrent Evening Rinse) - just spray it on and forget it. No more scrubbing or rinsing those nasty mosquitoes from your hair. It's also great for minor scratches, jock-itch or as a bacteria-fighting mouthwash. Getting MAD is easy to get by calling this toll free number - 1-GET-MAD-HERE.

Dear Huggablebaldy - I have a new boat and was wondering if it was a good idea to buy a marine VHF radio? Signed: Lester Shortwave

Dear Mr. Shortwave - A VHF radio would be a good investment and necessary should a problem arise while out on the water. Picture this - You're cruising along when one of your passengers becomes nauseated from reading Lucarell's Nauticool News. You know you must contact an English teacher immediately but you're without a radio. It may be hours before help arrives and by now bad grammar has spread to everyone aboard. Don't take the chance! Invest in a good marine radio.

Dear Huggablebaldy - How I ever came to find this site is beyond me, but it has brought about a startling revelation. HuggableBaldy's picture is the spitting image of my wife's' first husband and we thought for sure he was still being held at Chattahoochee. Have you ever been in this institution and have you by some remote chance been released???? If the answer is yes, please contact me at BR-549, I would very much like to return your wife to you !!!!
 

Dear Mr. BR-549 - I usually don’t like talking about this but the fact is my twin brother Lester Baldy was in the Chattahoochee institution. He was released last year and often talks about his ex-wife Larson, the love of his life. I think he’ll be relieved that you’re in possession of this fine lady and the possibility of making contact convalesces his pulsating inner ear disorder.

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